Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Journal 10/12

Yesterday I didn't work out. I worked out hard all weekend and Monday I had a hard and disappointing run so I felt like I needed a rest day. Well it paid off because today I tried week 5 day 1 again and I did it!! For me I don't think I need to take every other day off but it never fails that when I work hard three days in a row I need one off. I don't think that's bad. One day off per three working out is not bad!!! It's just once or twice a week average. I did my run in the neighborhood again. It was tough but I felt really good. I felt like I might die when I was done but I think that means I worked hard enough! It was 31 minutes and 2.1 miles so that's not a bad pace either!! Especially since 16 minutes were walking and 15 minutes were running. Although I don't think my running is much faster than my walking at this point!! Oh well. I am not concerned about my speed at this point. It's hard enough to carry 250 pounds around. I will get faster as I get thinner I'm sure.

I posted something on Facebook yesterday about feeling guilty about wanting to take a rest day and someone (skinny lady) posted that I should just go out and try to run for at least 10 minutes. I wanted to laugh. Does she not realize that I am just now up to 5 minute runs?! I'd like to see her strap 150 pounds to herself and run 10 minutes. I'm not sure why but it really rubbed me the wrong way. I know she just doesn't get it because she's never been 250 pounds but it still stung a bit. Five weeks ago I could barely do a minute and now I'm running 5 minutes. It's an accomplishment I'm proud of. And at this pace in another 5 weeks I'll be doing 25 minutes. That's kind of the point of this program.

My plan is to try day 2 of week 5 tomorrow. If I can't do it then I'll try again Friday. I am just fine with week 5 taking two weeks instead of just one. I have heard that's pretty common. Plus I  need to make sure I can do it before moving on. After week 6 it's all long runs. I'll get there. I know I will.

The conclusion I've come to is that I want to run. I want to be a runner. I signed up to run a half marathon on June 2nd. The focus has shifted for me. In the beginning it was about losing 100 pounds. Now it's all about running that half marathon. The weight will come off in the process and I'll just get faster as I get thinner. I no longer want the focus to be the weight loss. Don't get me wrong I'm THRILLED to see the weight come off. But as long as I've been going on this weight loss roller coaster I've had the weight as the goal. It feels good to have something else be my focus. I can't always control the fluctuations that my body does when it comes to weight but I can control getting out there to run.  It's free and I'm in complete control of that. The weight loss is a side effect to the goal I'm really working towards. This is also something I can keep doing. There will always be another race to train for. Another challenge to tackle. I can do this for the rest of my life. It's not finite like losing weight and dieting is. With this I think I can keep this off long term.

I have been doing really well on my food. I am still tracking on and I feel like it is helping me stay accountable. I know that I don't want to log stuff that is going to be really bad. So I just don't eat it. I have been almost entirely vegan as well. Also, I have only had like 2 sodas in the last 10 days. That is huge for me!!! I am also drinking lots and lots of water.

All of these things combined hopefully will make for a great weigh in tomorrow morning. I think this is the most successful 10 day period I've had since I started. I feel like I'm finally on a good stretch. I am totally killing this thing and I couldn't be happier!!!!

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